I want romance but he only wants to be friends

Dear Coleen

In 2011 my husband died. We’d been married for 43 years and I have three grown-up children, and three grandchildren.

I am now in my 60s and have finally started to go out again. I’ve also been on a few coach holidays and I attend our local services club where I get along really well with one man in particular.

I have been to his house for coffee and he has been to mine. We have actually become really good friends to each other – well, I think so – but he doesn’t want to get involved in any kind of relationship as he’s been divorced twice.

I feel frustrated by this, as I’m not like his ex-wives at all and I really want us to be more than just friends.

I can’t stop thinking about him – he’s in my thoughts all the time.

How can I make him see that life is too short to hold back? We text and talk on the phone all the time, so I think deep down he is interested, but just won’t let himself commit to something more serious.

Coleen says

Well, he’s been honest with you and I admire that. He could have led you to believe there might be something more in the future, but he’s been upfront about things.

It comes down to whether you can handle just being his friend. If you think you can, then you could carry on as you are and hope that at some point he realises he wants romance.

But you can’t “make” him do anything and you have to be careful that you don’t end up wasting years of your life, waiting and hoping for him to have that lightbulb moment that never happens. Or you could back off a bit – don’t text him every day – and accept that he’ll never be more than a good friend, so you’ll have to find romance elsewhere.

You’re certainly doing all the right things to meet new people and enrich your social life, so good luck. And, you never know, if you’re not so available, he might find he really misses you.

He doesn’t want more as he’s been divorced twice