CAN’T TELL BROTHER I LOVE HIS PAL

Dear Coleen

For the past few months I’ve been in a relationship with my older brother’s best friend. I suppose we both thought it would be a one-night stand, but we had such a fantastic time that it became a regular, casual thing and now we’re completely in love.

We haven’t told anybody, but we want to go public so we can go on dates and let our friends and families know that we’re in an exclusive relationship. However, we don’t know what to do about my brother. My boyfriend broached the subject with him one night, dropping it into a conversation that he liked me, and my brother said: “If you ever touch my little sister, you’ll regret it.”

How can we go public with our relationship if this is what his reaction will be? Any advice? I love my boyfriend and, of course, I love my brother too and don’t want to lose either of them over this.

Coleen says

I would tell him together – present a united front. I think he’ll be less likely to behave badly if you’re both there. And just say, “Look, we really like each other, we’ve been dating for a while and we want to see if it can work.”

But, at the end of the day, it’s nothing to do with him really. He can object as much as he likes, but it won’t change anything. When I was young, my brothers were always threatening boys I went out with, but I’d just tell them to grow up!

It might just take your brother a bit of time to get his head round it. And, in the meantime, be a little sensitive to his feelings and don’t rub his nose in it.

Of course, if it doesn’t work out, your brother might lose a friend or it might be awkward for you if they stay friends. That’s a risk you take.