SHE’S GONE OFF SEX COMPLETELY

Dear Coleen

I have been with my girlfriend for seven years and we have three children together.

She has always been shy, I suppose, but now she doesn’t like kissing and won’t even let me kiss her neck or try to turn her on.

I have tried many, many times to talk to her and have also tried different things in bed and away from the bedroom too.

But nothing seems to make any difference. She just lies there most of the time during sex.

I’ve tried asking her what she enjoys or what I need to do and she just doesn’t want to talk about it. She won’t kiss me unless I kiss her and even then she turns away.

To be honest, I don’t know how much longer I can deal with her putting in no effort at all.

What can I do?

Coleen says

I think you have to tell her that.

Be brutally honest that you don’t know how much longer you can carry on because it’s making you feel awful about yourself and hopeless about the future of your relationship.

I think what’s really frustrating is that she won’t answer your questions, and you have no idea why she’s lost interest in sex. So you’re carrying on, making all the effort and getting nothing in return, and that’s demoralising.

Even if she’s worried the truth is going to hurt you, tell her you’d rather hear it than carry on with things the way they are.

If she’s honest about what’s wrong, there’s a chance you might be able to work on those issues.

If she’s not, the relationship will die anyway.

It’ll eventually wear you down to the point where you’ll leave or you’ll meet someone who is interested – and you’ll look like the baddie because it will be you who had the affair.