XMAS UPSETS ME AS I MISS MY HUSBAND

Dear Coleen

I lost my husband two years ago just before Christmas and, as you’d imagine, I really struggle at this time of year.

Last year was especially hard as it was the first one without him, but I’m already dreading this one.

I have two grown-up children who both have very young kids of their own, and they naturally love all the excitement. I don’t want to ruin it for everyone else, but I’m going to really struggle to feel joyful.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

When you lose a loved one, anniversaries and holidays are hard, and it must be especially tough for you at Christmas because you now associate it with deep sadness and loss.

When I lost my mum, I found Christmas particularly difficult as she loved it and it was always a major event in our family.

But now when it comes around, yes there’s an element of sadness, but I make a conscious effort to think about the good times we had.

You have a lovely family to celebrate with, but it’s OK to be honest with your kids that you’re going to find the holidays hard.

At some point over the holidays, you could take some time to share your favourite memories of your husband – there might be a few tears, but I’m sure there will be lots of laughter too. Sometimes that can be better than bottling up your feelings.

Equally, do something different. You could go on holiday or visit friends you don’t get to see much and make some new memories.