DILEMMA OVER MY BABYSITTER

Dear Coleen

I have a lovely babysitter, who’s 16, who looks after my daughter. She adores her and I’ve never worried about leaving my child in her care. She’s a very responsible, clever girl.

However, the other night, I came home slightly early to find she had a boy there. They were just watching TV, but I could smell they’d been smoking (outside).

She was embarrassed and apologised, saying he was just a friend from school. He was embarrassed, too, and seemed like a nice boy. I didn’t make a big thing of it as I didn’t want to embarrass her more and decided I’d deal with it the next day.

I don’t know whether to tell her mum though, as she’s having a tough time after separating from her husband. Also, I don’t want to get this girl into trouble as she really is lovely and usually very sensible. She’s a great student and wants to be a doctor. Would it be bad to keep it to myself or should I say something?

Coleen says

She shouldn’t have invited someone else into your home without asking, so I think you have to speak to her directly about that and tell her if she wants to carry on babysitting for you then it can’t happen again. You have to be able to trust her and she’s broken that trust.

Maybe speak to her first and tell her you haven’t spoken to her mum, but it’s on condition it doesn’t happen again.

She’s obviously going through a tough time at home and perhaps feels she can’t invite this boy there.

She might open up to you and you might be able to offer some advice. It sounds like what she did is out of character.

Also, 16-year-olds, however sensible, make mistakes and push the boundaries.

But you have to explain to her that your daughter is your number one priority and you have to be able to trust whoever is looking after her.