Don’t split up Beatles when they still have a few albums left in them...

Want some tips for a better life, Yoko? Try this…

WHEN Yoko Ono tweeted “Give us some advice that will make our lives heal and shine” maybe she was expecting make-love-notwar, sweetness and light. Instead, what she got was a mix of tonguein-cheek advice, mickey-taking and some helpful life hacks…

The little arrow next to the pump logo tells you which side of the car the tank filler hatch is on. Always check there is paper, before you sit down.

Never believe a word @ Borisjohnson @Jacob_rees_mogg or @Nigel_farage say. Don’t split up the Beatles when they have a few albums left in them.

Demand higher taxes for the rich, open borders, a working welfare state and basic income everywhere. If you marry into the British Royal Family always wear a seat belt.

Let’s stop being afraid of what could go wrong and let’s start being positive about what could go right. Rescue a magpie. Teach him to say Merry Christmas. Eat the yellow snow. Yellowest snow is the ripest. Avoid flat-roofed pubs. Seek out comedy. Laugh more.

Make your packed lunch before you go to bed because you won’t be arsed to in the morning and you’ll end up eating a Greggs again.

Place your trousers under the mattress before going to bed. It helps keep the crease. A plastic milk bottle top makes a great water bowl for a pet shrew. Don’t take laxatives if you have a tickly cough.the Soup boil, soup spoil. Use hairspray to remove sticky label marks from glass jars. Never attempt a winter invasion on three fronts at once.

Rub a spoon on your fingers under a cold running tap to get rid of the smell of garlic. Use the edge of a teaspoon to peel ginger.

If your bed is freezing or you are cold use a hair dryer on your mattress for a few seconds before jumping in. Much better than a hot water bottle. It won’t get better if you keep picking at it.

Sorry, but we can’t guarantee these tips will make your lives shine… or are even accurate.

Matt Stephens @Mstephens1977 graham davies @Gjdavies001 Clear nail varnish makes ideal Tippex for people who don’t make mistakes. Berk On A Bike @Berk_on_a_bike Mike Duckett @duckett_mike OVEN LOVE The Nafemeister @nafemeister If you’re commuting from Barnsley to Sheffield a Mcdonald’s coffee is now 10p cheaper at Tankersley than at Meadowhall Retail Park. John Broom @barnsleyrunner Sonja Dolinsek @sonjdol Eat day old Yorkshire puddings with chilli sauce. John Sturgis @sturgios Bonesvanhalen @bones_van A decent pair of oven gloves is worth 1,000 towels. Disappointed Optimist @disappoptimism Tee @tee_scent Take your coat off indoors, or you won’t feel the benefit when you go outside. Matt Ruddell @Mattruddell ADVICE Yoko, with late hubby John Lennon, asked for a little help from her online friends Be kind and useful. Don’t take offence when none is meant. The joy of comfortable shoes is not to be underestimated. Kate Cunningham @Katie759 Brixton Bum @pejro Don’t keep lightbulbs in your back pocket. petrol gibbon @ njalskinner Jeff Cohen @Jeffcohenwriter Thermal vests are underrated. Use one, you won’t regret it. A Pringles lid fits on a can of beans if you only need half a can for your fry-up. Rammer @Rammer666 Old telephone directories make great address books. Simple cross out the names of all the people you don’t know (#Viz always had the best tips. This has long been my favourite) #vizmagazine. Phillipnotphilip @mcgough_p You can use washing up liquid to make shower screen doors open and close more easily. Just reapply once in a while. Kmarxette @Kmarxette Rescue a dog. It might save both of your lives. @philtilston Eleanor Rugbi @Eleanorrugbi A canal may look narrow enough to jump across - they’re not... Lawrence @lawclarke72 Never tie your shoe laces in a revolving door. Scott Plews @plewsey24

mickey1 @ caromitchell1 John Shiel @Johannshiel WARM BED Hairdryers are helpful Beverley Friend @beverbeverley Peanut butter, crispy bacon, and bananas go strangely well together in sandwiches. Bruce Mcpherson @bruce mcpherson Always park near the trolley return area in a supermarket car park. Sophy Gardner @sophygardner Roflyssmtt @Roflyssmtt

Archbishop Poet @morrissey2020 When visiting Paultons Park, get in early and go round clockwise, the queues for rides will be shorter, nearly everyone goes other way. Dinga @Dingasurfbunny TASTY Don’t talk to Bacon and your husband in bananas too much detail or about anything serious until he’s been awake for at least 30 minutes and has had a strong cup of tea. rjsc42 @rjsc42

Penelope Pendragon @Penpendragon Don’t eat the yellow snow. Rev Mike Wilson @Poettaxidriver Dr Ilke Turkmendag @Ilketurkmendag Never be sick into a wire mesh basket. Brian O’keefe @rider45 SONGBIRD A magpie

Lids are held on jars through… a vacuum, not because they are screwed on tight. Put a spoon under the lip of the lid, lift and break the seal and the lid will lift off easily. Denise Mina @ Damedenisemina Use gloves

Charlie O’malley @charliebadger99 Turn your tins of beans upside down when you put them in the cupboard, that way none get stuck in the bottom when you open them.