HE REFUSES TO DISCUSS HIS AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

Recently, I found out through a friend that my husband had been seeing another woman and it’s since emerged he has had a baby girl with her.

I confronted him and he eventually came clean but begged for forgiveness and I’ve decided to see if we can work through it.

It’s hard because I’m angry and hurt and he refuses to discuss it.

I believe it’s all over with this woman but he says he has a responsibility to the child and I’ve agreed he should see her. However, our teenage kids have taken it really badly and I don’t think they want anything to do with their sibling. They can barely look at him.

I don’t think I can move on unless he talks openly about the affair and answers all my questions but he walks out every time I bring it up.

Coleen says

I honestly don’t think you can move on unless he’s prepared to confront what happened and why.

And you’re entitled to ask whatever you want – he needs to prove he’s 100% committed to your marriage.

And it will take time. I’d strongly advise therapy to help him bring down his defences. Why not make it a condition of you staying together? It’s easy to say “I’m sorry” and “It’s over” but you need more to repair the relationship.

It’s good that he’s taking responsibility for his child and well done to you for realising this is important. You can’t force your kids to get to know their sibling but if you show them you’re OK with it, they’ll come round.

I’m sure they’re hurting for you and don’t want to be disloyal.