I WANT TO BE HER LOVER, NOT A MATE

Dear Coleen

A few weeks ago I met a gorgeous girl on a night out and we hit it off instantly. There was a strong sexual chemistry and we got along really well, too. We exchanged numbers and started to meet up, and slept with each other several times.

A few days ago I arranged to meet her in a bar, but when I got there she seemed different and told me she wasn’t ready to start again on a proper relationship after being hurt by her ex.

I was gobsmacked – I never saw it coming. I thought it was the start of something great.

She says she still wants us to be friends, but I don’t know if I can do that – it feels like that boat has sailed. Any advice?

Coleen says

You’re feeling hurt and probably a bit angry, too. You invested something of yourself, so of course you feel rejected and it’s crushing.

Here’s the thing, she probably did hope the relationship would become something special and lasting, but then realised it didn’t feel right and she wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. I doubt she was using you and I’m sure she didn’t intend to hurt you.

However, I agree with you on the friends thing – I think it would be impossible for you to do a U-turn and just be mates.

It’s gone past that point and I think it would make it very hard for you to move on positively with your life while she’s still in it.

Put this down to experience and try to think of it as something fun while it lasted.