WORRIED SHE PREFERS SEX TOYS TO ME

Dear Coleen

I’m worried I don’t do it for my girlfriend in bed because she can only seem to climax with sex toys and not with me.

It’s really affecting how I feel about sex and about us. I’ve tried not to take it personally, but I’ve never had this issue with previous girlfriends. Sex has always seemed natural and easy, but this situation is affecting my confidence and it’s no fun any more. We’ve been seeing each other for about eight months and everything else is brilliant.

Can you help?

Coleen says

Firstly, don’t take it personally. There are plenty of women who don’t orgasm through penetrative sex alone – a quick search on Google should reassure you of that. And you know it’s not you because you’ve been with other women who can do it.

However, of course I understand why it’s left you lacking in confidence and perhaps feeling as if something’s missing. I think your pride can take a knock, too.

When something doesn’t go as expected when it comes to sex, I think most of us automatically think it’s us, and that our partner isn’t turned on. I’m certain that isn’t the case with you and your girlfriend, but why not tell her how you’re feeling, so she can reassure you?

It doesn’t sound as if she’s asking you to leave once you’ve finished, so she can have some alone time with her vibrator – it sounds like you’re involved and it’s all a part of sex. And just because she doesn’t orgasm during sex, doesn’t mean she’s not enjoying it and loving the intimacy and seeing you turned on. If everything else is great, then you can work with this, but it’s OK to discuss it.