WHY AM I ALWAYS DRIVEN TO CHEATING?

Dear Coleen

I’ve been starting to think I could be a sex addict. I’m a guy in my early 30s and can’t keep a relationship going – I always cheat. It’s not like I don’t want a relationship, but the thrill around new sexual encounters is too much and I always stray.

My last relationship was the longest I’ve had – but I did cheat on her and she threw me out.

I miss her and the friendship and intimacy, but I know she won’t have me back. What can I do about this? I see all my friends moving on, getting married and having kids and I’m nowhere near that. Can you help?

Coleen says

It could be that you’re just not ready for commitment. At certain points in our life society expects certain things of us and we start to panic when we’re not there yet.

I know a young guy who was in a very similar situation to yours and counselling really helped him to understand why he felt the way he did and to accept himself more. It also gave him tools to avoid getting himself into that situation when he did get into a serious relationship with someone he really liked.

For him, it was enough to know that, when he was out for the night with his mates and someone was flirting with him, he could take things further with her, but he chose not to.

I think in the meantime, honesty is the best policy when you become involved with someone – say from the start you’re not sure if you’re ready for an exclusive relationship. But that doesn’t mean it’s a green light to cheat on a partner if she wants commitment.

Also, perhaps you simply haven’t met the right person. You’ve already learnt from cheating on your last girlfriend that the grass isn’t always greener – that it’s just sex – and you miss her.