LOVER WANTS OPEN RELATIONSHIP

Dear Coleen,

My girlfriend and I have been together for nine months and I moved into her place during lockdown. She’s amazing fun and I love everything about her. She’s also a bit younger – she’s 27 and I’m 32 and I think that might be a bit of an issue as far as our future goes.

I know it’s not a big age gap, but her outlook is different to mine. The other night she suggested that after lockdown we tried an open relationship, but with boundaries, so we both know what the other is up to and nothing is hidden. Full disclosure!

Maybe I’m old and boring, but I’m just not into this and feel quite hurt she’s suggested it. I’m at the point where I’m looking for a potential life partner, not sleeping around for kicks. Any advice?

Coleen says

relationship is problematic, however cool you happen to be. A good relationship isn’t just about sex – in fact, if it’s just based on sex and nothing else, then that’s boring. Where’s the love, trust, friendship, loyalty and all the other stuff that’s so great about an intimate relationship? Also, jealousy has a way of rearing its head, however much fun you think you’re having at the beginning, and someone inevitably gets hurt. I think for an open relationship to work, you both have to be singing from the same hymn sheet and totally sure that it’s what you want. Well, it’s not what you want and, as fun as this woman sounds, I don’t think she’s ready for the type of commitment you’re after.