HOW CAN MUM CALL ME A GOLD DIGGER?

Dear Coleen

I had a huge row with my mum the other night over my marriage. I’ve been staying with her on and off because I haven’t been getting on with my husband, who’s 10 years older than I am.

I know I’ve been sort of taking advantage of her, showing up and staying for several days, but she said some hurtful things I’m not sure how to deal with.

She accused me of marrying my husband just for money and said it was no surprise things were turning out like this and she’s sick of trying to help me.

I didn’t actually marry him just for his bank balance, although I admit that being looked after and not having to worry about money was appealing.

Now I feel I have nowhere to turn and think my mum is cruel for blaming everything on me. What do you think?

Coleen says

Your mum hasn’t been able to resist the temptation of saying: “I told you so”. It sounds as if she thought the marriage was a bad idea from the start and now she feels she’s been proven right.

I don’t think that’s the correct way to play it if she wants to support you and have a good relationship with you. But maybe she’s just very frustrated and has reached her limit in terms of you turning up on her doorstep, asking for advice that you never take. Maybe she has advice fatigue and just blew a gasket!

I’m sure she feels bad about blowing up now she’s had time to reflect. So why not go to her, cap in hand, and apologise if you’ve been taking her for granted. Then try to have a calm discussion about what’s next.

Maybe you need a proper break from your husband to decide what to do instead of boomeranging back and forth between him and your mum.

And maybe counselling would be a good idea to see if it’s possible to work through the problems in your marriage.