HUBBY THINKS I FANCY OUR GARDENER

Dear Coleen

I’ve employed a gardener over the past few months to make our garden more usable for having people over in the Covid era.

I got along really well with the gardener – he’s a good laugh and also young and handsome, which hasn’t escaped my husband’s notice. I exchange texts with this guy regularly, talking about what needs doing next and the other night my husband read a few of these messages and hit the roof. He accused me of flirting and wanted to know why I was so friendly with this guy.

I nearly laughed because the idea of me cheating on him with the workman is ridiculous. I’m an exhausted mum who’s too busy to even think along those lines. Plus this guy is in his 20s and wouldn’t be interested in me sexually if I were the last woman on Earth. But do I get on with him? Yes, I do.

How should I handle it – I’ve never seen my husband react like this before.

Coleen says

Well, your hubby is obviously feeling insecure. And maybe he’s a bit jealous of the banter you have going on with a younger, handsome bloke. Do the two of you still laugh and banter together? I think the thing to do is not to let it blow up into something it’s not, so it causes a real rift.

Tell him he’s ridiculous to be worried and that he’s overreacted to something completely innocent, but also be sensitive to how he’s feeling.

If he’s feeling a bit rubbish about himself or insecure about your feelings for him, that would explain why these messages have hit a nerve. Ask him what’s behind it. Was he cheated on in the past? Is he feeling down? Is he worried about your marriage?

I think the trouble is, paranoia can quickly take over in these situations. Maybe it’s time to focus on each other more.