SEX STILL GOOD BUT WHERE IS THE ROMANCE?

Dear Coleen

My wife and I have been married for seven years and are both in our 30s. My problem is that while sex is still good and pretty frequent, there’s no romance in our relationship. I love kissing and being affectionate, but whenever I try to kiss her, she pulls away – it’s like an annoyance for her.

I find it hurtful and feel like a fly she’s batting away! It’s getting to the point where I lack the confidence to try to kiss her or be affectionate. I don’t understand why the sex is good, but she won’t let me show her that I love her.

Is it a sign she’s not into me any more or is this what I should expect after seven years of marriage?

Coleen says

Look, obviously if you’ve been together a while, the fireworks are going to be a bit less impressive and the butterflies of excitement won’t be flapping their wings quite so hard. It takes more effort when you’re used to each other and the relationship feels safe and comfortable. But you don’t want it to feel like a comfy old slipper!

Kissing is actually a very intimate act so maybe what you have to do is work at rebuilding the bond between you outside of the bedroom. You know sex is still good and it works for you both, so focus on connecting again as a couple. It’s not just about kissing.

Do some of the things you used to do when you were dating. Be more spontaneous and encourage her to see the guy she first fell in love with.

She needs to get involved, too. Talk to her seriously about missing affection, and tell her it’s making you wonder how happy she is in the marriage.

It might be that she hasn’t really thought about it because she’s busy and distracted with other things, and she’s taking your relationship for granted.