HOW SAINT AND GREAVSIE TRUMPED THE COMPETITION

ALTHOUGH it probably did not seem like it at the time, Donald Trump performing the

Rumbelows Cup quarterfinal draw may have been Ian St John and Jimmy Greaves’ greatest coup.

Saint and Greavsie weren’t just the only double act who were funnier in real life than their Spitting Image puppets – their irreverent humour took them unexpectedly into the corridors of power.

Footloose in New York, where they had flown in for the World Cup draw 30 years ago, they dropped in on Trump Tower unannounced to see if the future President of the United States fancied a lucky dip from a velvet bag.

To St John’s surprise, the Don was at home on Fifth Avenue, and the draw was priceless television.

“This is some pad you’ve got here,” said Greaves, admiring the opulent furniture. “I haven’t seen a boardroom like this since Doug Ellis’s.”

Trump laughed along with the punchline, even if he didn’t have a clue who Deadly Doug was.

“He had no idea about football,” recalled St John later. “And he certainly had no idea what Rumbelows was. We didn’t bother explaining it to him.”

Ian St John was a fabulous footballer, and it is a travesty he won only 21 caps for Scotland, but he was also a fine broadcaster, the perfect foil for Greaves’ one-liners.

Where the BBC’S lunchtime magazine Football Focus became starch-collared and complacent, Saint and

Greavsie provided light relief and chortling fanzine humour on the other side.

They were football’s step-brothers of Tiswas, ITV’S Saturday morning slapstick with buckets of water and the Phantom Flan Flinger.

When Greaves was too ill to present one show shortly before Christmas, producers drafted in his latex caricature from Spitting Image as a late replacement, with top,” Greavsie’s latex substitute told the Owls manager. “Well, he started it,” Big Ron allegedly replied.

One of Saint’s finest achievements was to keep a straight face as his sidekick reeled off the gags like Bob Monkhouse. It was simply great TV.

When Saint and Greavsie were reunited for a one-off FA Cup final special in 2009, St John’s searing honesty about the

TRUMP CARD The future President conducting the draw commentator Peter Brackley – who was a fine mimic in his own right – providing the voiceover.

St John was at full chortle as ‘Greaves’ revealed he had bumped into Dave Bassett and Ron Atkinson, managers of United and Wednesday across Sheffield’s steel city divide. Bassett’s New Year resolution, he claimed, was for the Blades simply to win at least one league game – a bit like this season – while Big Ron resolved to win the Rumbelows Cup, FA Cup, promotion and the Charity Shield.

“That’s a bit over the game’s dark arts deserved to be tattooed prominently among modern players’ obsession for indelible artwork.

“When I hear commentators say a player goes down too easily, what they mean is he’s a cheat,” he frowned.

“It’s embarrassing when you see kids carried off the pitch, they have a swig of some magic potion and they are jumping off the stretcher. I don’t know what they put in those bottles, but I’ll have a pint.”

The first pint in the Celestial Arms is my round, Saint. Thanks for the memories.

ACROSS

Sleeve end (4) Hollow cylinder (4) Tempt (4)

Amount of medicine (4)

11 Unit of heredity (4)

13 Moral (7)

14 Grain (3)

16 Embankment (5)

18 Postpone (5)

21 Irate (5)

22 Helicopter part (5)

24 America (1,1,1)

25 In base ten (7)

28 Demeanour (4)

30 Not one (4)

31 Bivalve mollusc (4)

32 Appointment (4)

33 Astound (4) 1 4 6 8

DOWN

Surrender (4)

Sea creature (4) Sweet substance (5) Perfect score! (3) Gaelic (4)

Keepsake (5) Freshwater mammals (6)

10 Israeli resort (5)

12 Therefore (4)

15 Sycophant (3-3)

17 Sewer (5)

19 Fertile soil (4)

20 Sing, Swiss-style (5)

23 Of the kidneys (5)

24 Second-hand (4)

26 Majority (4)

27 Without fat (4)

29 Frozen water (3) 1 2 3 4 5 7 9

Solutions in tomorrow’s Daily Mirror