HE’S MENTALLY ABUSED ME FOR YEARS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 20 years and for 10 of those years I’ve felt emotionally battered and like I have to walk on eggshells every day. I think I’m being mentally abused.

He’s not physically abusive, but he criticises me constantly over everything and makes me feel small and inadequate. He targets everything from my appearance and my cooking to my friendships and my family.

There is literally no joy in our lives because of his attitude and angry presence.

I don’t know why I’m still with him, to be honest. Well, it is probably because I have no confidence to leave. I would love some words of wisdom.

Coleen says

The good thing is, you’ve recognised you’re being emotionally and mentally abused, and it’s never too late to get out of an abusive relationship. After years of this treatment, you can get to a point where you stop trusting your instincts and your judgment, and believe what your partner is telling you.

You don’t believe you deserve more, but you do – and the power lies with you to make a change.

It’s important to have support from family and friends, as well as professionals, to help give you the confidence you need to take control.

Counselling could help and in terms of the practicalities and legal aspects, The Citizens Advice Bureau has good advice on ending a marriage, including financial arrangements (adviceguide.org.uk) – and it’s free. You’ve taken an important first step by writing to me, so now you have to build on that.

Good luck.