Let’s do this together YOUR

The moment I let The Dark Lord use her pocket money card to buy stickers online, I knew I would regret it.

Sure enough, 10 seconds after I gave her access to online shops, several delivery notes for extremely unsuitable products arrived in my email inbox.

Yes there were some very innocent stickers, but there were also some very disturbing craft kits and I cancelled them immediately.

When she got home from school yesterday, I called her to my office before she disappeared straight into her lair. “What?” she called from the stairs, knowing damn well what I was going to say.

“Er could you come here please?” I said, using my mum voice.

She barely stuck her head round the door, as if by not being entirely in the room would mean anything I said wouldn’t really count.

“Just so you know, I’ve cancelled the do-it-yourself tattoo kit and self-piercing package, which included some very medieval-looking tools of torture,” I sighed, indicating at the cancelled items on my email.

I warmed to my theme, adding: “What were you planning? A weekend of sepsis-related face tattooing fun? Can’t you just go for a bike ride with friends like normal kids?”

She rolled her eyes and said: “Can I go now?” “No you can’t – my friend Suzannah at school tattooed her fingers with the point of a compass and ballpoint pen ink. And she’s a teacher now and having to explain to her kids why she has Your Mum tattooed on her wrist.”

The Dark Lord laughed, then rolled her eyes and snapped her chewing gum this time, and asked: “Can I go NOW?”

“No you can’t – I want you to know giving a tattoo to anyone under the age of 18 is illegal – which means I could be convicted for allowing you to buy that kit. Do you understand?”

She sighed and turned to go.

I started getting cross: “Do you want me to end up in prison?” Then thought better of it.

“Actually don’t answer that question.”

Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.