Reader’s short story

In the second of our reader short stories, Debbie Rollins reveals her special recipe for vodka Christmas cake. The 61-year-old granny-of-12, who lives with husband Alan, collie Jinxy, and a variety of chickens, assures us: “No animal was injured in the making of this cake!” “Once again this year I’ve had requests for my vodka Christmas cake recipe, so here goes. Made mine this morning!

“1 cup sugar, 1tsp baking powder, 1 cup water, 1tsp salt, 1 cup brown sugar, lemon juice, four large eggs, nuts, 2 cups dried fruit, and 1 bottle vodka.

“Sample a cup of vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, then repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

“At this point, it is best to make sure the vodka is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. “Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a

piece at a time, trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

“Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the vodka. Now sh** the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

“Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the vodka and wipe the counter with the cat. Have fun and enjoysh!”

If you’d like to submit a short story (up to 500 words) and see it published, email it in to siobhan. mcnally@mirror.co.uk