He said no to another baby and I’m resenting him for it

I’m a woman in my late-30s and have two children aged five and eight. I’m desperate to have another child before it’s too late, but my husband is adamant that he’s “done with babies”.

Don’t get me wrong, he loves our kids and he’s a fantastic dad, but he just doesn’t want another child and says he likes our life as it is.

I do understand his point of view – things are easier now the children are a bit older and for the first time in years we have more time for ourselves. But it doesn’t stop me feeling broody and I’m starting to resent him.

Whenever a friend says she’s pregnant or I see a woman with a baby, I just feel sad and angry that I can’t have that too.

It’s beginning to impact on our relationship because I’m being shorttempered with him, and whenever the subject of another baby is raised it inevitably ends in an argument.

I gave up my job when our youngest was born and haven’t worked since, and so I also feel a bit redundant having no baby to look after. What can I do in this situation? I just can’t think of a solution.

Coleen says

I reckon it would help to work out why you feel like this – are you trying to fill a space in yourself because you feel unfulfilled, or are you struggling with that childbearing phase of your life being over?

I do understand how you feel. I desperately wanted another child after my daughter Ciara was born, but my husband wasn’t keen, so it never happened.

With hindsight, I think it was the right decision for us. But it can be hard as a woman to accept that part of your life is done with.

What I do know is that it’s crucial that both of you want another baby because, as you know, it’s hard work, it impacts on your relationship and the family dynamic, and on your finances, too.

And if you got pregnant “accidentally on purpose”, or he gives in, even though it’s not what he wants, he could resent you for it and your relationship would be in trouble too.

I think you have to look at what’s most important to you at the end of the day – a good marriage and a happy family of four or another baby?

It might help to talk things through with a counsellor.

Also think about having something else in your life (work or an interest) that gives you purpose and makes you feel fulfilled. Keep talking to your husband and listen, and remember you’re a team.

When I see a woman with a baby I feel sad and angry