How can I tell my wife that I love to dress as a woman?

Dear Coleen

I’m a man in my 50s and I like to cross-dress. I do it all in secret – I keep my clothes in a shed at the bottom of the garden, so my wife doesn’t find out.

I know she wouldn’t accept it, so I dress up when she’s not around and sometimes I even do it when she’s asleep in bed.

We have a very “normal” life and from the outside we’re a happy couple – nice home, two kids, decent jobs.

In my social circle, something like this would be shocking and people wouldn’t understand.

I’m finding it harder and harder to cope with keeping this secret – the stress is keeping me up at night, which is why I often go to my shed and dress up.

Recently, I’ve walked around the neighbourhood dressed up when most people are asleep.

I want to share this with my wife, but I know it won’t turn out well.

I do love her and we’re a good team, but I feel something is missing. Do I tell her anyway and blow my life up?

This has been going on for about 10 years now and when I dress up, I’m properly happy.

I feel alone with it, though. Any advice you can give would be appreciated.

Well, maybe you need to blow your life up to be happy. You’re clearly very unhappy living a secret life.

Obviously, if you told your wife there will be a reaction. She’s not going to carry on without blinking an eyelid. But she might not necessarily leave you – she may accept you cross-dressing, so long as she’s not a part of it.

However, would your wife just knowing about it be enough for you? From your letter, I’m not sure.

Over the years, I’ve met quite a few straight, married guys who cross-dress once or twice a week and go out to clubs. And I get the impression you’re desperate to live authentically and you don’t want to hide any more. If that’s the case, then you have to face it and be prepared for the potential outcome. Also, you admit there’s something “missing” in your marriage and I think not being able to trust the person closest to you is a huge barrier. I think a lot of your pain is coming from trying to cope alone and it would help you to make connections within the cross-dressing community.

You could start by getting in touch with the Beaumont Society support group (beaumontsociety.org.uk).

I keep clothes down the shed and dress up there