How to thrive after divorce

As research shows that marriage break-ups have increased 10 per cent since lockdown, divorce coach Sarah Woodward reveals how to navigate life after a split

Lockdown had an impact on many different areas of life, relationships being one of them. In fact, research shows there has been a 10 per cent increase in divorce since 2020.

“Sadly, I’m not surprised,” says divorce coach Sarah Woodward (sarah-woodward.com).

“Lockdown went one of two ways with couples – it strengthened their relationship or put a strain on it.”

Sarah says many of her clients fear the future while going through a divorce.

“Know that you will get through it,” she says. “You’re going through a grieving process, and it will be difficult sometimes, but you will feel OK again.”

Here, Sarah shares her tips for bouncing back after a break-up.

Respect your emotions: It can

be tempting to stuff down emotions by working long hours, partying or over-exercising.

But it’s important to allow yourself to grieve. Know that whatever you’re feeling, it’s OK.

Get a support team: Your closest friends and family may not be the best people to support you, as they can be too invested in the situation.

Surround yourself with people who are good listeners, who you can be open with and who make you feel good about yourself.

Let go of the past: It’s natural to want to replay every moment of the break-up, to try to work out what went wrong. But that reconnects your brain with negative emotions, making you feel them all over again.

Focus on positives: Think about what you love doing, what makes you happy and what brings you joy.

If you struggle, reflect on your childhood and what you did then.

Schedule joy and rest: Once you know what brings you joy, book it into your diary. It could be taking time for an old hobby, or to watch a film that makes you laugh.

Make time for self care, too. Eat tasty and nourishing food, get enough sleep and go out for walks in nature when you can.

Think positive:

Practising gratitude has been proven to benefit mental health.

Write down five things that you are grateful for. Or, make a mental note of three things that went well during the day as you get into bed at night. If you do this for 15 days, you’ll soon notice a difference in your mindset.

Tackle fears head on: When facing a divorce, a lot of fear comes from a lack of clarity around what your future will look like.

If you’re worried about money, see a financial adviser so you can take control of where you’ll live and how you’ll manage financially.

Usually things aren’t as bad as you might imagine.

Say yes:

Whatever opportunities come your way, say yes – even if they’re out of your comfort zone.

Doing new things helps build confidence. It’s like exercising a muscle – the more you do it, the easier it will be to feel confident.

Look for meet-up groups online, or in your local area.

Ask a friend to go with you the first time for moral support if this feels daunting.