Cheating partner is a liar and she’s pregnant again

I’ve been with my partner on and off for four years. I’m 28 and she’s 24. She’s a compulsive liar and right from the start she was cheating on me with an ex-boyfriend, but won’t admit to it and makes out I’m paranoid, even though I’ve read the messages on her phone.

During lockdown we ended the relationship, but met up and she got pregnant.

I agreed to give it a go, as I’ve always wanted to settle down and have a family.

Things seemed to be going well until earlier this year when I noticed she was off with me and distant, and we rarely had sex. She would just sit in another room, scrolling social media on her phone.

She works in a restaurant and began coming home later and later every night. Then I saw a message her friend sent her, asking why she’s upset about things with me if she’s been doing stuff with another guy.

I confronted her and she denied it at first, then started changing her story, saying a drunk guy tried to kiss her one night at work, but I have a gut feeling there’s more to it.

She also throws herself at men whenever we go out, but then denies it and turns any disagreement we have into her being the victim.

Now she’s pregnant again, just as it was getting too much for me and I was thinking of leaving. I don’t believe she’ll change and I’m just prolonging the agony, waiting for another baby to arrive.

Coleen says

I think your last sentence says it all. She’s young and I don’t think she’s ready to settle down and commit to you – or anyone else for that matter. It doesn’t sound as if she knows what she wants from her life.

She’s been lying to you from the start and I think if she hadn’t got pregnant, you might have moved on.

The most important thing now is to focus on being the best dad you can be. I think it’s very hard to maintain the relationship when she’s not being truthful about how she feels and what she’s up to, and not willing to commit to working through the issues.

Right now, it’s not a positive environment to bring your kids up in, so you have to think what is best for your kids.

That might be going your separate ways and making a commitment to support each other as parents.

It seems she’s doing what she wants while she has a guy at home, being a father – it’s called having your cake and eating it. It’s not fair.

You need to have a serious conversation with her, telling her how you feel and admitting the relationship isn’t working any more.

But do it in a calm, non-reactive way. And reassure her that whatever happens, you’re still committed to being a dad.

She throws herself at men but then denies it