Bah ham-bug! Grumpy Santa’s a fat lot of good
IT SEEMS the last person to embrace the Christmas spirit in America is Santa himself.
Anthony Mayse, nine, went with his mum Ashley to visit the big man in Forest City, North Carolina.
His wish list included an iPod Touch and a drone but instead of promising that the elves would make sure he got what he wanted, Father Christmas made an immediate delivery – by “fat shaming” the lad.
As Anthony got on his knee, Santa told him: “You should lay off the hamburgers and French fries.”
The lad has since ripped up his photos with Santa while Ashley is demanding he be given the sack.
My sources tell me that on the fateful day, Santa had been fuming – after being told he was on the night shift again this year.
TREASURE hunter Tommy Thompson has exchanged gold bars for prison bars while being fined £800 a day for the privilege. An Ohio judge has ordered he pay the penalty until he reveals the location of a stash of loot he recovered from the sunken SS Central America in 1989. After finally being captured a year ago, Thompson says he has forgotten where he put the estimated £320million trove that investors who funded his dive were due to share. This week, Judge Algenon Marbley said that Thompson has been faking his memory loss and intentionally deceiving his backers. You can’t make this up.
ALEXANDRO Garibaldi is facing life in jail over the fatal shooting of his cousin.
Joaquin Mendez had found a gun and a bulletproof vest, and wondered aloud if it still worked.
Garibaldi picked up the firearm, saying “Let’s see”, as his cousin slipped into the armour.
The gun worked but the vest didn’t – and the 24-year-old is now charged with manslaughter.
FINDING the purrfect gift for America’s cats this festive season just got a lot easier thanks to Colorado-based firm Apollo Peak.
Not wanting pets to miss out on a Christmas tipple, it has developed two non-alcoholic wines that caring cat owners can share with their moggies.
The beet-based drink comes in two varieties – the white Moscato and a red Pinot Meow.
The maker has assured buyers that its wines’ natural ingredients will ensure no drunken cats will ruin Christmas.
US AVIATION authorities are considering letting passengers make in-flight calls – which is fine by me, as long are they are seated on the wing.
Imagine the calls you’ll hear on your Ryanair flight back from Benidorm.
P.S.
FORGET New York cabbies, my barman Richard is officially the most cantankerous man in Manhattan. I took an old friend in for a drink this week and before leaving, he’d been told he was “as sharp as a marble” and “depriving some village somewhere of an idiot”.