Love life flagging in your forties and fifties? Try our...
THE older we get, the bolder we become in the bedroom as we make a determined bid to make our sex lives sizzle in middle age, a poll has revealed.
The exclusive Mirror Survation poll, carried out over the past three days, has revealed how people in their 40s, 50s and 60s are up for anything as they try exciting new ways to spice up their sex lives.
Of the 1,000, 40 to 70-year-olds questioned, more than a quarter had used a sex toy for the first time after hitting middle age.
And since turning 40, 12% had tried having sex in a public place, while 6% had bedded a stranger whose name they didn’t even know.
Role play was something that 15% said they had tried, while 16% admitted having their first onenight stand.
Here, Alix Fox – Durex’s sex and relationships expert – reveals her top tips for hotting up your sex life in middle age and beyond.
Be confident A lack of body confidence as we get older can make us shy between the sheets. If you are struggling with your self-image or feeling blue about your body, dressing up and experimenting with costumes can help boost how you feel about yourself, and prompt you to view your looks in a new light.
Role playing also offers a way to escape day-to-day life, so you can temporarily stop being “mum” or “the office manager” and let another part of your character come out.
Communicate Good communication is the key to a great love life, but it can be really tricky to broach a conversation with your partner about sexual problems.
Try my “Care, Air, Share” technique. First, show you care about your lover’s needs and concerns. Start by telling them: “I know your job’s been keeping you really busy lately, and you’ve been stressed.”
Next, air what’s on your mind: “I’ve noticed you don’t seem so interested in sex nowadays. I’d love to enjoy more regular fun together.”
Then, invite them to share their thoughts: “What do you think? Is there a way we could work that out, or anything you’d like to try? How can I help?”
Flirt
Make a conscious effort to flirt and play with your partner in the daytime as well as in the evening.
If you are going out to dinner together, try making love before you leave the house instead of waiting until you get home, when you may well be exhausted/tipsy/ bloated after a rich meal.
Regularly let them know that you think they look gorgeous, whether that’s first thing in the morning or when you are both chilling out on the sofa in the evening.
Get in the mood Play a naughty version of Consequences. One of you think of a location and write it down. Take turns to add details,
such a s props– which could be a sex toy, handcuffs or a hotel room key – positions, costumes and scenarios. Over the day you will conjure up an X-rated bedtime story. And as you will have spent hours thinking lewd thoughts, you’ll be in the mood to get rude.
Experiment Tiredness and stress can have a huge impact on our sex lives as we age. If a man is exhausted or anxious, it can be difficult for him to gain and main- tain an erection. If losing an erection is denting a man’s sexual confidence, toys such as the Durex Pleasure Ring can offer a fantastic chemical-free helping hand.
Try new toys A drop in oestrogen associated with ageing can also make women’s bodies less responsive to stimulation, which could mean arousal and orgasm take longer to achieve.
The good news is many women find they have orgasms more frequently as they mature – it just takes a little longer to get there.
Using a sex toy during foreplay and intercourse can help add that extra level of stimulation that you may find that you need in order to climax as you get older. Afternoon delight Menopausal symptoms and general ageing can have a negative impact on your emotions and confidence. Many women find that they gain weight, particularly around the middle, due to plummeting oestrogen levels. Hot flushes and night sweats can leave women
Check your medications Certain medicines can hinder your sexual response, including your desire for sex and your ability to become aroused. If it is becoming a problem, talk to your GP about switching to a different medication with fewer sexual side effects.
Mix up your routine Get yourselves out of the habit of restricting sex to a set time and place. Always the bedroom, and always at night, will make sex feel monotonous.