Just got married but I’m already having an affair

Dear Coleen

I am a 30-year-old woman and I’ve been married since last December, so not long. I do love my husband, but he’s changed over the past six months – he doesn’t take care of his appearance, he’s put on weight and drinks too much.

We’re planning to buy our first home together and I want to stick with it, but I’m not sure I can. I’m ashamed to say I’ve been having an affair with an old friend for several months. We’ve known each other since we were 18 and have slept with each other on and off over the years when we weren’t seeing other people. Recently, though, he confessed that he wants more than sex and would like us to leave our partners and try making a go of it together. I have feelings for him, too, so now I’m faced with a huge decision.

I’m not proud of cheating on my husband, but he’s made very little effort since we got married. Any advice would be appreciated.

Husband’s put on weight and drinks too much Coleen says

You have to tackle your marriage first, so whatever you’re doing with this friend, stop it now.

Your hubby actually sounds miserable too, so rather than look to an affair for escape, talk honestly to him about whether your marriage can be saved.

He might be doing the classic thing of not making any effort now he’s married, but there must have been something there for both of you to walk down the aisle so recently.

As for your friend – if you really thought things could work with this guy, why haven’t you got together before now?

It’s not like you haven’t had the opportunity.

If you give your marriage a proper shot and things still don’t feel right, it’s OK to admit that. It’s life, it happens.

Sometimes you have to accept it’s not going to work, but don’t throw it away without trying.

Couples counselling might help – visit relate.org.uk.