Treat a child as equal at your peril

PART of me would love to be the “cool mum”, the mum who all my daughters’ friends think is great.

But instead I am most likely known as the mother whose death stare across the playground could make hell freeze over.

As mum to 10-year-old Lola and 12-year-old Gracie, I firmly believe my main job is to parent, not to be their BFF (best friend forever, in teen speak). If children don’t learn discipline, hard graft, and respect for authority in their teenage years, they are never going to be able to cope in the big, bad, adult world.

Barnaby Lenon says kids should be punished if they are rude, there should be strict bedtimes for young teens and meals should be at a table with no TV, phones or tablet.

It sounds standard but you would be surprised how many parents don’t adhere to similar rules.

My girls aren’t allowed phones past 9pm, and bedtime is 9.30pm at the latest. But long after they are asleep their mobiles will be buzzing with texts, snapchats, Instagram notifications and House Party requests. Clearly their friends can either to stay up late or take phones to their bedrooms with them. I don’t know which is worse.

Parenting is not a popularity contest – if it was, I’d fail miserably. Sometimes I feel like the worst mum in the world – particularly when my 12-year-old dishes out the “it’s so unfair, I hate you” routine.

But I will not crack. My girls know they are loved. I tell them every day. They know I am proud of them. I praise their achievements and try to help when things go wrong.

All I ask is they try their best, be kind to others and be happy. But there are boundaries. If they think staying up until midnight will make them happy, they are wrong. It will make them tired, moody little sods.

No matter how much a teenager thinks they know it all, they don’t. They haven’t got an adult’s 40-odd years of experience to draw on.

So treat a teenage child as your equal at your peril. If you let them listen in to adult conversations at the pub, the chances are they will be repeated when they shouldn’t.

Then there is behaviour. I tell my girl that nobody likes a cheeky child or one that answers back. When I grew up, one look from our dad was enough to stop me in my tracks.

I believe making tough decisions now will pay off in the long run. The teenage years are almost here and the battle lines are being drawn.

I’m under no illusions there are tough times ahead but it will be a small price to pay if my children turn out to be decent humans.