Glove of iron does not work any more

Children needs rules and boundaries. But as the mother of a 14-year-old daughter, I would argue that being her best friend has had its advantages.

The world is a different place from when I was growing up. If I wasn’t at school I was lucky enough to be outside with my friends in the fresh air. And when I got home all communication with school ended.

I can honestly say I was never stressed out about exams or homework, my mum didn’t work and things were pretty simple.

Life for my daughter is the opposite. I work full-time, and we live in London, and thanks to my pathological fear of kidnapping/ abduction/terrorist attacks and boys, my daughter spends a lot of her time at home.

Thanks to social media there’s no respite from her friends and peer group. And, sadly, simply taking her phone away isn’t the answer.

Add triple science, further maths and everything else into the mix, and her workload is pretty insane. I am not making excuses but it’s not a very carefree existence any more, which makes me sad. It also means becoming my mother, who ruled the household with an iron glove, isn’t going to work for us.

So for me, trying to navigate my way through motherhood, I have to say being her best friend works. I don’t mean we wear matching outfits. But we discuss everything, we’re honest with each other and support each other in everything.

Sadly I can’t do anything about the way the world has changed. I’ve just become the parent I think my daughter needs.

When she started secondary school she was unhappy but terrified about letting me down.

I had moved hell and high water to get her into the school and a bit of her just wanted to stick it out to make me happy.

But ultimately she knew we would work it out, so she told me what was going on and we sorted out the big, sorry mess – and the bully – together.

For a long time it was just me and her against the world and we stuck together through thick and thin, so maybe my daughter needs me more than most 14-year-olds.

She is my little friend and knows I will always be here for her. But having that friendship doesn’t mean she doesn’t respect me.

I think it makes her respect me, and listen to me, more.

There’s no wrong or right way to parent your child. I guess that we’re all just working it out, one day at a time.