NO TRUST LEFT AFTER I HAD AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

My situation is rather different from a lot of the people who write to you in that I’m the one who’s at fault. I had an affair with a man and I lied to my boyfriend about it several times after he suspected something was going on and confronted me.

However, I have now told him the truth. He doesn’t trust me any more, and I can’t say I blame him.

I really want to rebuild our relationship because I love him and I’m desperate for him to trust me again. Is it possible?

Coleen says

I understand your desperation for things to be the way they were, but it’s going to take time, and an affair changes a relationship.

Even if you go on to be happy, which is possible, I don’t believe things will ever be exactly the same. You have to pull out all the stops to be honest and transparent, and never to lie to him again about anything, no matter how small.

You can rebuild trust gradually, but it won’t happen overnight.

At the moment, he’s not going to be 100% confident in you and will have those moments of insecurity, so don’t get angry with him. And if you haven’t already been completely upfront about your reasons for the affair, then you have to be.

Being honest with him (and yourself) about how you were feeling and why you ended up cheating is crucial if you’re to move on successfully.