I FEEL EXCLUDED BY MY FRIENDS

Dear Coleen

I’m beginning to feel left out by my circle of friends. I’m 20 and have known my two best friends for three years. We went to college together and have remained close since leaving.

They have another very close friend who went to school with them, who I’ve met several times and get on well with. However, lately I’ve seen pictures of them on social media having nights out, going on road trips or meeting for coffee without me. I can’t help but feel hurt about it.

The fact they post it on social media and know I’ll see it makes me think they don’t realise it hurts my feelings, so do you think I should talk to them? I don’t want to sound like a jealous and possessive friend, but outside of work they’re the only friends I have. I’d feel so hurt if I thought they were drifting away from me.

Coleen says

Yes, I think you should say something, but not in sulky or confrontational way. You could say, “I’ve seen you out a few times and felt a bit hurt you didn’t invite me because I would like to have come along”. Or even mention it in a jokey way if you don’t want to make too big a deal of it, so maybe say, “Going out without me again? I’m going to start getting a complex”.

People do tend to compartmentalise friendship groups though, and never the twain shall meet. This other pal of theirs is an old friend from school, so it might not even have occurred to them to invite you along.

If they know you’re feeling left out and a bit hurt, then perhaps they will invite you or at least reassure you that they didn’t mean anything by it.

Also, why don’t you arrange a few things and invite everyone along? You don’t always have to wait for others to take the lead.