No sleep till I find source of great Walford pasta mystery

BBC One displayed perfect timing with its The Truth About Sleep documentary last night. I’d just had a couple of restless nights myself on account of Tuesday’s incredibly dramatic EastEnders cliffhanger where the duff-duffs had come in just as Denise was, erm, tipping some pasta into an empty pan.

As I tossed and turned, all the big questions ran through my mind.

Had Denise guessed her portion size right? Was she going to boil the water in the pan or separately in the kettle? Would she be going for al dente or soft and squidgy? And which sauce would she be slathering over it? I needed to know! So imagine my despair when last night’s EastEnders opened with Lee Ryan moaning about his caffeine fix. All we saw of Denise was the most tantalising of glimpses as she marched through the Square.

Sure, she looked a little grumpy but that just brought a whole batch of extra questions to disrupt my slumber.

Still, at least I won’t be alone in my sleep-deprived haze. According to Dr Michael Mosley, when it comes to sleep problems Britain is near the top of the world rankings.

His documentary’s mission sounded straightforward enough: how do we stop so many people feeling so ghastly in the morning?

Aside from advising people to just watch

ODD Denise’s pasta scene BBC Breakfast on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays instead I was all out of answers. Luckily, Dr Mike and his team had lots of hints, including turning your TV off an hour before you go to bed. Not sure about that one, doc. How about I start by just turning it off for half an hour whenever EastEnders comes on?