I FEEL GUILTY ABOUT PAL’S MISCARRIAGE

Dear Coleen

A couple of weeks ago, I went out with a few friends for lunch. I was excited because I was going to tell them about my pregnancy.

Everyone knew I’d been trying for ages to conceive without success, so it was quite a big thing.

However, I was stunned when another friend suddenly announced that she was pregnant before I’d had a chance to say anything.

It turned out she got pregnant after their first go without contraception.

It seems crazy and irrational now, but I felt a bit annoyed with her at the time because she stole my thunder, so my announcement didn’t have the same impact.

When I got home, I had a moan about it to my husband and some other friends about how easily everything came to this girl.

And now I really regret behaving like that as I’ve found out she had a miscarriage a few days later. I feel guilty and ashamed of myself, even though she had no idea I’d been moaning.

I’ve texted her to see how she is, but she hasn’t replied.

Coleen says

It’s really sad for your friend and she probably hasn’t replied because she’s still coming to terms with what’s happened.

You shouldn’t feel guilty for being pregnant though or having a moan about her stealing your thunder. Like you say, she wasn’t aware of how you felt.

I think the way to handle it is just to be low-key about your pregnancy for a while when you’re around her.

You can shout about it when you’re with family or other friends.

I’m sure she will get in touch in her own time and she will be happy for you, but right now it’s probably just too hard for her to see you because her emotions are still raw.

Give it a bit of time and, in the meantime, focus on enjoying this special time in your life.