Heroes betray our kids
Hollywood’s mission to milk cash cow franchises with edgy tween movies leaves young children out of the picture, says film critic Chris Hunneysett
My six-year-old son George has been Spider-Man’s biggest fan since he was old enough to walk. He has spent hours pestering me for the toys, trashing the games, glued to the iPad watching the original 1960s cartoons and wearing out the costumes.
And George is climbing the walls with excitement as he knows there’s a brilliant new film version of Marvel’s favourite comic character in cinemas right now.
The marketing budget is colossal and from adverts on the sides of buses to newspapers, TV and radio, there is no escaping it.
Except he can’t watch the film because I won’t take him to see it.
Not because I hated it. In fact, I loved it. Starring young Brit Tom Holland as the friendly neighbourhood superhero, it’s a fast, funny and entertaining action movie.
And not because I’m being a mean dad, but because there are things in it I don’t think are suitable for a child his age. Particularly a joke about online porn.
It’s a good gag and is delivered at the end of a scene where it hangs like an enormous exclamation mark.
I want to take my son to see SpiderMan, but I don’t want to have to explain to a sixyear-old what porn is. Or why teen boys want to watch it, or why this is funny to everyone else in the audience.
It is not the first time Marvel have done this. Superhero flick The Guardians of the Galaxy was happy to repeat the word d**k.
So in my home there’s a tinge of Incredible Hulk green in the air at the sheer stupidity of a situation where we want to go to a superhero movie but can’t because some film-makers seem to think being “cool” to 12-year-olds is more important than family fun.
Now, Marvel Studios are owned by Disney. And as purveyors of the greatest animated and family friendly films the world has seen, shouldn’t they know better?
I may be sick of the sight of Zootropolis, but I knew before we watched it there’d be nothing in it that would alarm me or my son.
You can’t help feeling Marvel and Disney want to have their cake and eat it – hooking young children into the merchandise and then selling them the film. Which is fine when the films are made for children, and not when they are aimed at tweens and teenagers.
The British Board of Film Classification is the independent organisation in charge of issuing certificates to cinemas and wisely they have given Spider-Man: Homecoming a 12A certificate.
This means it contains “material that is not generally suitable for children aged under 12”. And “no one younger than 12 may see a 12A film in a cinema unless accompanied by an adult”.
Therein lies the problem: almost every child aged under 12 will want to see Spider-Man.
In the US, where the film is set and made, it holds a PG-13 rating, which means parents are “strongly cautioned – some material may be inappropriate for children under 13”. So the US authorities believe there should be stricter limitations on children watching it.
The biggest wish on my son’s birthday/Christmas list is the Lego Death Star. It’s brilliant. Only it costs £399 so there is no way he’s getting one until he gets a paper round and buys the thing himself.
Spider-Man features a Lego Death Star, and it is used as the punchline to another good joke.
Which means what we take from the scene is not the brilliant way Tom Holland is made to crawl on the ceiling without CGI, but, “Hey, isn’t that toy really cool?” Followed by, “Daddy, I want one.” I doubt cool 12-year-olds in the audience want Lego for Christmas. So who is this scene aimed at?
Star Wars was the first mega franchise to merchandise successfully and stick their brand on everything from pencil cases to wallpaper. But it is a U certificate, meaning my parents had no problems with me watching it.
Recent Star Wars films, such as The Force Awakens and Rogue One, have been certificate 12A. But you wouldn’t know from the toys, which are made for children of all ages, including very young ones.
Star Wars is now owned by Disney and the eight films have made £6billion. They’re not alone.