DO I TELL PAL SHE’S WED A RAT?

Dear Coleen

A good friend of mine got married in April and I went to her wedding in Italy. Her husband’s family is Italian and they had a dream wedding. All our friends were in awe of how romantic and perfect it was, and we were a little bit jealous,too.

Fast forward to earlier this month and I find out through someone who works with my friend’s husband that he’d been having an affair for some time. The worst thing is he’s apparently still seeing this other woman.

My other friends and I cannot believe it and don’t know what to do. Some of us think we should tell her, but others are saying it would devastate her and it’s best to ignore it. What should we do?

Coleen says

This is a really difficult dilemma and, whichever route you go down, it’s not going to finish up with a fairytale ending.

If you tell her, it’ll probably end her marriage. If you don’t, she’ll be married to a cheat and everyone will know apart from her. If I were you, I’d start by talking to her husband and telling him what you know, and that quite a lot of other people know, too, so it’s probably only a matter of time before his wife finds out. Explain that you wanted to speak to him first in the hope he’ll end his affair and take his marriage seriously. Tell him you’re giving him a chance to sort things out, one way or the other.

However, if you really can’t bear the weight of this information, then tell her. Keep in mind that you could end up out in the cold if they patch things up and decide to move on from it. It’s unlikely they’ll want you hanging around.

But maybe that’s a risk you’re willing to take to do what you feel is the right thing.