MY FIANCEE DOESN’T WANT KIDS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for two years and we’re planning to get married next summer.

Everything has been going so well – we’ve moved in together, our families get along and it just seemed perfect.

Then a few weeks ago she admitted to me that she doesn’t want kids. I think this is a huge deal, but she genuinely couldn’t see why I was so upset about it.

We’re both in our early thirties, so it’s something I’ve thought about a lot and I’ve just been assuming that she wanted the same as me.

I don’t think she’ll change her mind and I’ve been left not knowing what to do. I love her, but I can’t accept this.

What do you suggest?

Coleen says

My first bit of advice is, don’t carry on planning your wedding with this hanging over your head. It is a big deal.

I knew a couple who never discussed having kids before they married and ended up divorced within a year.

I couldn’t have married my first husband, however much I’d loved him, if he’d not wanted kids because being a mum was incredibly important to me.

The things is, you can’t bank on your girlfriend changing her mind once you’ve been married for a couple of years. Maybe she will, but it’s too important for you to gamble on it. Sadly, you may have to accept that you’re not compatible when it comes to deciding on having children.