MY JOBLESS SON MAKES ME STRESSED

Dear Coleen

I can’t cope with having our 39-year-old son live at home any more. He’s never been able to hold down a job, he goes out a lot and drinks too much, and he’s always borrowing money for his car, mobile, drink and cigarettes.

He doesn’t do anything around the house and when I try to speak to him about helping out, he sighs and walks away or gets defensive.

I think he has low self-esteem or depression as when he’s home he seems very down, but he refuses to go to the doctor.

The other day my husband and I, at the end of our tethers, had a huge go at him and it must have worked because the next day he said he’d got a job interview.

But I still want him to move out. However, he says even if he gets this job he won’t be able to afford rent. What can we do? I couldn’t bear to see him homeless but this is affecting my health as I’m not sleeping and I worry all the time.

Coleen says

Well, the first step is the one you’ve already taken – you and your husband have put on a united front. And it worked, which just goes to show he could have got an interview earlier if he’d got his act together.

It’s so hard when it’s your child, but you have to adopt tough love.

Because, let’s face it, he couldn’t go out and get drunk or smoke if you weren’t lending him money, so that needs to stop right now.

If he gets this job – and I really hope he does because I think it may help him with his low selfesteem – he needs to start contributing some housekeeping. Even if it is only £20 a week, he needs to learn the value of things.

Meantime, you can put the money away and after six months give it to him as a rent deposit.

But I don’t see why he can’t afford rent if he gets this job.

He’s nearly 40 and plenty of adults his age rent even if they’re on low incomes.