GUILTY ABOUT HAVING FLING WITH HIS MATE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been in an on/off relationship with my boyfriend for some time now. While we were on a break from each other, I hooked up with someone he is close to and now I feel sick every time I look at this guy.

I’m back together with my boyfriend and things are fine, but I can’t seem to forgive myself because I know he would never do this to me. I feel like I have a lot on my shoulders and I panic all the time about him finding out. I couldn’t bear it if he did.

Any advice?

Coleen says

I guess the only way he’d find out is if the person you hooked up with spills the beans. But I’m sure it’s in that guy’s interest, too, to keep it a secret if he wants to remain mates with your boyfriend.

If it does come out, then you can say truthfully that you weren’t together at the time. Obviously, the bit that’ll really hurt, though, is that you did it with one of his close friends, which is different to hooking up with a stranger for a one-night stand that neither of you is ever likely to bump into.

I do think there’s a more fundamental issue here, though, and that is your pattern of breaking up and getting back together.

If you’re to make a success of the relationship, you need to address the problems that keep leading to the break-ups. Good luck.