I WANT TO PARENT LITTLE BROTHER

Dear Coleen

I am a 22 year-old woman and I want my little brother to come and live with me permanently. He is eight and, although my mum and his father have legal custody of him, he spends most of his time with me, my fiancé and our baby daughter.

We are the ones who feed him, get him to school and give him love and attention, while his parents are busy drinking and doing short-lived jobs.

He has asked me so many times if he can live with us, but I’m scared of angering my mum – even though she couldn’t care less about either of us and only has my brother when it suits her.

I couldn’t bear it if she stopped me from seeing him. I know I’m only young, but I know this is the right thing for us all.

Coleen says

It sounds as if you’re incredibly sensible and mature for your age, and you’re obviously a very caring and loving sister.

If you wanted to officially (and legally) become your brother’s guardian you’d have to contact your local council and they would apply to the courts if they believed your mum and her partner were unfit parents.

However, that move is likely to anger your mum and it might not go in your favour. You don’t have to tell the council about your current arrangement as you’re his sister. You might even find that the more you do for your brother and the more you have him, the more agreeable your mum will become to him living with you full time and visiting her at weekends or for sleepovers.

You could talk to her about it without accusing her of anything or it ending up in an argument. Tell her you’d be happy to have him, say, during the week, as he loves being with your little girl, for example. It might even be a relief to her if she can’t cope.

Be aware though that the council won’t remove your brother from his parents’ care unless they believe there are proper grounds to do so, such as neglect or abuse.