HE’S A CHEAT BUT I CANNOT FACE UP TO IT

Dear Coleen

I’ve only been married for a year and I found out recently that my husband had been seeing a mutual friend for several months.

I was totally heartbroken. Another friend told me as she felt I had a right to know and it all made sense. Things fell into place – the staying out late, the working extra hours and his irritable behaviour.

He doesn’t know that I know yet. The thing is, even though he’s been despicable and broken my heart beyond words, I simply don’t want to lose him. Any advice on how to move forward?

Coleen says

The first thing you have to do is tell him that you know, otherwise you can’t ever move forward. You can’t just sweep this under the carpet and hope it goes away – every time he goes out or is acting strangely, you’ll suspect him or it’ll all explode in a massive row.

So you have to tell him and see what he has to say.

What you have to accept is that it might not be your decision what happens to your marriage from this point on.

I think that’s maybe what you’re most worried about and why you haven’t confronted him already. He might not want to make it work and it might be a relief for him that you’ve found out in the hope you’ll kick him out or he feels he has the green light to leave.

But if you want to make things work, and he feels the same way, then you can only move forward if he agrees (obviously) not to do it again and is open and honest about his reasons for cheating so you can work on them. But there shouldn’t be any second chances.