HE’S SO PROTECTIVE OF HIS MUM

Dear Coleen

My husband and I met six years ago. I’m in my late 30s and it was the first serious relationship for both of us.

He’s always been protective of his mother, as I suspect she was abused by his father, although she is a very strong person with a no-nonsense personality.

He’s always funded his mother (although she does contribute) and justifies it by saying it’s all going towards our pension.

However, I’ve recently become pregnant and feel things need to change as he’s still so focused on pleasing his mum.

Recently, he’s offered to take her away with us. He’s in and out of work as a labourer, so the funds would mostly come out of my wages. I’m worried about the cost of childcare, as I know if she looks after our child my husband will want to pay her more than the going rate, on top of what we’re already paying her.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I think you need to be very careful about coming between him and his mother. He’s obviously very close to her, so you could end up causing a rift.

However, I think when it comes to holidays and childcare, you have every right to have a big say in things.

If she’s going to charge above the odds to look after her own grandchild it doesn’t make financial sense.

And you don’t always have to go on holiday with her. Again, suggest looking at your finances to see if you can afford a weekend away, just the two of you.

I get why you don’t always want his mum around, but I wouldn’t let it become a bigger issue than it needs to be. I think it’s wonderful that your husband is so considerate and caring and, hopefully, your child will grow up to treat you in the same way.

I’m pretty sure once your baby arrives, he or she will be everyone’s priority and his mum will start to take on more of a supporting role.