GIRLFRIEND HITS ME IN PUBLIC

Dear Coleen

I have been with my fiancée for four years now, but she always gets angry at me for no reason.

I don’t do anything wrong and I never look at other women, but she constantly blames me for things that I haven’t done.

I’m 22 and I love her, but she’s making my life very difficult and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings.

She also hits me in public, which I guess shows this isn’t a good relationship, and I don’t deserve it.

I have never hit her back, but sometimes she makes me so angry that I feel like retaliating, however I always resist because I know it’s wrong.

How should I tell her she needs to see a therapist without her making her mad?

Coleen says

In my opinion you should tell her by walking out of the door.

You’ve recognised yourself that this relationship isn’t good – it’s toxic and abusive – and she does need to address her anger issues. But you can’t save her, she needs to save herself. Hitting you is not acceptable at all.

Perhaps by losing you it’ll help her get the support she needs, but while you’re there and accepting it, nothing is going to change. In her mind, she doesn’t need to bother addressing her anger and lack of self-control because things are always all right in the end.

You’re a young guy. You ought to be enjoying life and relationships and you don’t deserve to be treated like this.