IS MY AWFUL HUBBY SET TO CHEAT AGAIN?

Dear Coleen

I have been married 26 years, but I know of four affairs my husband had while he was a drummer in a band. I was devastated when I found out, but as stupid as it sounds I took him back because I loved him so much.

We were both married before and have children from those relationships, but he has driven a wedge between my kids and me, and has barred some of them from the house. He has no respect when he speaks to me. It’s dreadful.

I took on my grandson when he was born – he is now 27 – as he has Down’s syndrome and serious behavioural problems. I adore him and I know he adores me, and cries when I get upset. I am so proud of him and what we’ve achieved.

My husband hasn’t played drums for 15 years, but recently started to play again and I’m now worrying.

Coleen says

My question wouldn’t be: what shall I do if he’s having another affair? It would be: why do I still want to be with a man who’s ostracised my kids, cheated several times and talks to me like I’m nothing?

You, on the other hand, sound like a fantastic woman and the relationship with your grandson sounds wonderful – he’s your life.

So my next question would be: how can I get out of this marriage? Please don’t stay with him because it’s been years. But if you want to be with him for ever and are terrified he’s having an affair or wants one, then you have to be up front with him about how you feel.

Trouble is, if he is up to something, he probably assumes he can do it again as you forgave him the other affairs. He has no boundaries and if he thinks he can act how he likes with no consequences, he’s unlikely to change. I hope you find the strength to walk away – I know you deserve a lot better, even if you don’t entirely believe it.