My parents insulted my hubby with £5 gift card
Dear Coleen
I’ve been with my husband for almost 10 years and we married a few months ago. My parents are very religious and he’s never got along with them, but things deteriorated further when we got engaged.
Three years ago we went away together for the weekend, and when we returned we went to see my parents to tell them we’d got engaged.
My mum went into a lecture about how uncomfortable and disrespectful it was for us to go away together before we were married. Let’s just say they ruined our engagement.
My husband is not the type to forgive and forget and my parents have never really spent time to get to know him. More little things happened that prevented him from having any type of relationship with my parents although we all tolerated the situation.
We have a wedding celebration next month with a small group of friends and family, but this week my parents gave my husband a birthday card with a £5 gift card inside. He lost it at how rude and insulting that was. I was a bit annoyed myself. It’s not like we were expecting a huge gift, but it seems like there was no thought at all.
I called my parents and told them they could have the gift card back and put it on the pile of gift cards my mum told me she keeps on hand.
My father yelled and called my husband “Mr Sensitive”
To make matters worse, my husband mailed the card back to them (they live 10 minutes up the road from us) with a Christmas card saying “thanks for your generous gift, but I’m good thanks”. I just don’t know what to do any more. Can things change?
Coleen says
I think they all need to stop and think about who’s suffering the most here, and that’s you – someone they all claim to love.
I would speak to them individually and let them know how this is affecting you and that you’d appreciate it if they were polite in each other’s company (at the very least), and didn’t stir up trouble (ie, send a £5 gift card and return it).
You can’t make them get along with each other, but when they do have to spend time together – at your wedding celebration for example – then they should be grown up and agree to be civil.
And for the rest of the time, you don’t have to live in each other’s pockets, even if you are only 10 minutes down the road.
You can pop in to see your parents on your own – I’m sure your hubby will be fine about that – but make it clear to them that you don’t want them bad mouthing your husband in front of you. You’re married now and they’re going to have to get used to it.
If you make a stand and your parents end up being less involved in your lives then they might wake up and realise they’re missing out and decide to adopt a different approach.