Husband’s moods have ruined Christmas again

I’m starting to wonder if he is depressed

Dear Coleen

I don’t know why it is, but my husband and I always argue over the Christmas period and it totally ruins things.

The same thing has happened this year and it’s down to the fact he becomes so moody and snappy on the run up to Christmas Day.

It’s as if he hates spending time with me and our kids when he should be enjoying the time off – he only gets two weeks’ holiday every year.

Inevitably, I snap back at him and we spend the holiday either shouting at each other or not talking at all.

I can’t understand why he’s like this because I do all the preparation – buying the gifts decorating the house and all the cooking!

Our kids are 12 and 14, and it can’t be much fun for them. They probably dread Christmas when all their friends look forward to it.

I’m starting to wonder if my husband is depressed or if he just doesn’t want to be with us any more.

I’m certainly getting to the point where I’m thinking of calling time on our marriage. Have you any idea why he behaves like this?

Coleen says

It’s actually not that unusual to find yourself arguing with your partner at this time of year. You’re all forced together at home for quite a long time (sometimes with relatives you don’t get on with that well) and it can be a kind of pressure-cooker situation.

You’ve spent loads of money, expectations are high, you’re inevitably tired from all the preparations and the kids often get bored and badly behaved. It’s a lot of pressure.

Perhaps there is a deeper reason why he dreads this time of year in particular, but if that’s the case he needs to acknowledge it rather than just getting angry and argumentative.

Talk to him about wider issues – how he feels about your marriage and why he seems so unhappy – but do it once the holidays are over and everyone is back to work and school.

If there’s nothing more behind it other than the fact he hates Christmas and would rather be at work or anywhere else than sat round a turkey with his nearest and dearest, then do something different next year.

Perhaps he could spend some of the holiday on his own, doing something he enjoys, or maybe you could all go away together.

But he needs to grow up and stop behaving like a spoilt child who’s disappointed with his toys from Santa!