Daily Mirror

My partner is oblivious to our crippling debt issues

If I come clean I fear his reaction will be explosive

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Dear Coleen

I’m at breaking point and I don’t know where to turn. Outwardly everything is fine, but in reality we have crippling debt that my partner knows nothing about.

I am relying on payday loans and credit cards to feed the family.

When my partner had a long illness, I couldn’t manage on one wage and ran up a massive bank overdraft. I am now hiding statements, borrowing from friends and in a constant state of anxiety that we won’t have food on the table or clothes for the children.

My partner can sense there are issues, but puts it down to Christmas stresses.

I have lost all joy in life and feel stuck on a wheel, lurching from one pay day to the next in an endless circle of panic.

We got into financial difficulty once before over a car loan and overdraft, and my partner insisted we would never get into that situation again.

I feel I should confess and leave so we can both start afresh, but then feel guilty for thinking about breaking up. My partner is normally quite logical, but lately has been quite aggressive.

If I come clean, I worry the reaction will be explosive.

Coleen says

Walking out on your family is not the answer – it won’t make your debt magically disappear. And thinking you can sort it out on your own is also not the answer, because you can’t.

Plus, the truth is bound to come out at some point and that’s going to be harder to explain to your partner who’ll want to know why you’ve lied.

So my advice is to take control and don’t wait for it to blow up in your face.

Usually, I’d say come clean with your partner as soon as possible. But if you’re really worried about the reaction it’ll provoke, then take some steps to get profession­al help and advice before having the conversati­on. But take those steps now. You can obviously speak to your bank manager and get advice about consolidat­ing your debt to make it easier to pay back.

There are also good debt charities, such as StepChange (stepchange.org, 0800 138 1111), which can provide financial advice as well as devise a debt-management plan to help you pay it off at a more manageable rate.

Once you feel more in control and have some kind of forward plan, then it will be easier to sit down with your partner and explain things.

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