SHE’S STRAYED FOR A THIRD TIME

Dear Coleen

My girlfriend and I are in our late 20s and have been dating for four years. During that time, she’s cheated on me twice with different men, but I forgave her both times and tried to move on.

One of the guys was an ex and the other was a drunken one-night stand, so I suppose she managed to come up with plausible excuses. I swallowed my pride and let it go.

For the past year-and-a-half, things have been great – more than great actually – and we moved in together. However, recently I picked up her mobile to call someone as mine had run out of battery, and saw a sext conversation with another guy.

I love her, but this just feels devastating after forgiving her twice before. I have never cheated on her and never would. Should I give up on her or try to talk it out and get an assurance it’ll never happen again?

Coleen says

I think you’re committed to this relationship, but I don’t think she is. I always think the first time can be a mistake, but if it happens again, it’s a choice. I don’t know what her motives are – you’ll have to ask her – but she’s either keeping things going with you until something more exciting comes along or she loves the thrill of playing away.

But whatever the reason, I don’t think she’s ready to be in a serious relationship with you.

You have to ask her about the messages and if anything else happened with this guy.

I don’t think she believes you’ll ever leave her – no matter what she does – so you have to change that. She has to believe that if she strays again, there are no more chances.

I’d suggest a separation so you can think about what you want and she can decide whether she’s able to make a proper commitment and show you some respect.