I HELPED HIM – NOW HE’S DUMPING ME

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend has been battling depression and alcohol dependency for nine months. We’ve only been together for 10 months, so it’s been stressful from the word go. I have supported him more than anyone else and there’s a lot of tension between him and his family. I stopped drinking to show support.

Recently, he disappeared for a night. I found out he’d had three pints and needed space. He now wants to build bridges with friends and family, but he’s mentioned ending our relationship. He’s said this before then retracted it, telling me he loves me. He said he needs a few days to think about changes to our relationship. I don’t know if he truly wants to be with me.

Coleen says

It could be he sees you as part of his problem in that you’ve been with him through the depression and addiction, and now he wants to move on from everything associated with that period. Perhaps he thinks the only way he can make a fresh start is by ending your relationship.

I would give him space and let him sort his life out, and maybe he’ll come back and want you to be a part of it. Also, while he’s this uncertain, he’s just going to keep messing you around, and that’s really tough on you.

Why not suggest you’ll give him some space for a few weeks or a few months (whatever timescale you think is right) and then see what it is that you both need and want.

What you don’t want is for him to stay with you out of guilt because you supported him. It has to be because he really wants to be in the relationship.

He has a lot to work through and maybe he just wants to do that without the added pressure of a relationship. Sometimes you have to love someone enough to let them go.