SHOULD I ASK STRAIGHT PAL OUT?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old man and I’ve recently come out as gay and broken up with my long-term girlfriend. It’s caused a lot of division among our friends as some of them feel I’ve used my girlfriend and led her on, which honestly wasn’t the case, at least not consciously. And we’ve actually managed to stay on friendly terms, even though I know she’s hurting.

My problem now is that I find one of my male friends very attractive (it’s actually what finally made me come out because I realised I couldn’t live a lie any longer), and recently we’ve been messaging each other. I’m pretty sure he’s flirting with me, even though he has a serious girlfriend. What do you think I should do?

Should I meet him to find out if he’s interested? I realise by starting something with him, I’ll probably end up with no friends at all.

Coleen says

Yes, meet him and ask him if he’s interested, but make it clear that nothing can happen while he’s still with his girlfriend. And, in the meantime, stop swapping flirty texts.

It would be awful if his girlfriend found out what her boyfriend was up to via those messages.

It’s great you’ve found the confidence to come out, but you don’t need to rush into any relationship.

And it would be a shame if the first relationship you had as a gay man was with someone who’s already attached.

Take some time to think about whether this guy really is a good choice or if you’ve fallen for him simply because he’s there on your doorstep and showing an interest.

There are plenty of great single guys out there.