HE STAYS AT HOME WHILE I WORK HARD

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have been together for 20 years and married for 10. We have two children aged 12 and 14. For about eight years he’s been at home while I work full time.

My problem is I’m not sure what he does all day because when I get home exhausted from work the place is a mess and I have to start tidying and sorting things out.

I’ve always worked full-time and went back to work quite soon after both my children were born.

I’m starting to resent that I’m the breadwinner and have to put in another shift at home every day. Surely I’m not being unreasonable?

Coleen says

Have you actually told him how you feel? It sounds to me as if the arrangement must have worked really well when your kids were younger. He took on the lion’s share of the childcare while you furthered your career and brought in the money. So you have to ask yourself what’s changed.

You need to start acting as a team again and talking to each other – it seems like there’s been a breakdown in communication.

Yes, he should be pulling his weight around the house, but staying at home and looking after the kids is not the easy option.

He’s done it for a long time, through those tough years when your kids were small, so perhaps he’s at the point where he wants to make a change and go back to work. Open up the conversation and help each other out.