I DON’T WANT HER TO HAVE A BABY AT 17

Dear Coleen

My 17-year-old daughter recently told me that she’s pregnant (about eight weeks).

I’m devastated as she’s just about to complete her first year at sixthform college and she’s so clever. Which makes me wonder how she got herself into this situation!

I haven’t told her dad yet, as I just want to think about it a bit more, but I’m sure he’ll feel the same and want her to consider a termination.

She hasn’t been seeing her boyfriend for very long, so who knows whether he will stick around if she keeps baby, which she’s keen to do.

I wish I could talk some sense into her and help her to see how hard it is with a new baby. She thinks she can have the child and then pick up her studies the following year without any problems at all.

How should I handle this?

Coleen says

I know a lot of teenagers who think of a baby as a gorgeous little lifestyle accessory, but of course we all know the reality of bringing up a child.

But here’s the thing – you can’t make her do something because it’s what you want.

Yes, you can guide her, support her and point out the realities of having a baby, but this is an important life-changing decision and it’s hers to make.

I understand you’re feeling disappointed, but you have to focus on what needs to happen now – she must visit her doctor, you need to tell your husband and your daughter should discuss it with her boyfriend if she hasn’t already done so.

It feels stressful now but, with support and careful planning, I don’t see why your daughter can’t go on to do well in her studies and forge a career afterwards – plenty of women have done that. But it’s important to work together and not against each other. She needs you right now. Good luck.