DO FANTASIES ABOUT WOMEN MEAN I’M GAY?

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my mid-20s and I’ve had a couple of serious relationships with men, as well as a few flings and one-night stands.

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a few months and I like him a lot. What’s worrying me is that I’ve started to feel attracted to women and even fantasise about having sex with a woman when I’m in bed with him. The sex is good with him and he turns me on, so I’m feeling very confused.

Could I be gay and should I sleep with another woman to find out?

Coleen says

Fantasies are normal, and part of the reason they’re such a turn-on is because they’re not real, but a bit out there, risky and exciting. They can actually be a letdown when we make them real because the reality just doesn’t match what we’ve been imagining.

Plenty of people have written to me about threesomes that have gone horribly wrong and are threatening to put an end to their relationship because, the reality is, emotions become involved and people get jealous.

Yes, you could be bisexual or a lesbian, but I think if you do want to experiment sexually to find out, then you have to be upfront with your current boyfriend or end the relationship with him.

Your relationship sounds good, but perhaps you’re not ready to settle down with one person and need to try different things.